Merry Christmas

Christmas day didn't start out so well. :( No matter how hard I try at not being disappointed--I mean, after over 15 years, I should be used it by now--I couldn't pretend not to care, anymore. He told me more than once this month, that "he wouldn't have time" to go out and buy me a Christmas present. I KNOW he's been very busy, and I KNOW he hates Christmas, but those excuses finally all piled up this year, and I told him that I didn't want to hear any more excuses or half-hearted explanations anymore.

He has time to stop at a store to buy stuff for M, or himself, but never can find enough time to think about me--even if it's just a little token something. A gift card, for cripes' sakes, would do, just to know that he took five minutes out of one day for his wife. :(

D is really hard to buy for--whatever he wants or needs, he usually goes out and buys for himself. And, I was really at my wits end this year, with time running short, and I suggested that maybe we should forego an individual gift for each other and just go out and buy a new couch. That idea got nixed by him without a second thought, so I was back to square one when I saw an ad in the paper for the perfect gift. I drove through snowstorms, and battled the full parking lots and crowded stores in search of this lousy--but great and practical--gift, only to come up empty handed at the last minute. :( So, I bought a card and put a picture of the gift in it, and used it as an IOU.

Granted, I had more free time than he has lately. But, do you really think I WANTED to battle the snow, and the crowds, and the messy parking lots? That answer is a resounding NO! But, I tried--I really TRIED--and, that's my whole point. He never even tried. :( Usually, he manages to find at least a card for me, or he buys me something that I've not only hinted at, but need to explain--in detail--what type, and where to buy it. Even though I knew what I was getting...at least it was something.

He plows a jewelry store parking lot, for God's sake! And, an electronics store, and a World Market store (among others)! He's spent more time in that parking this month than he has at home. Don't tell me you can't take 1/2 hour break and find something. They manage to find 1/2 hour time slots to diddle around doing other things. So, I can no longer accept the "I don't have time" excuse anymore...just not acceptable! And, now he knows it, and feels lower than the scum on the bottom of a rancid pond.

I--and other people--have tried to rationalize it, with the his-brain-is-just-built-differently-type of excuses. Sorry...it's just not cutting it anymore. :(

But, I'm trying to make the best of it. Last night, we had a light dinner of shrimp cocktail, little smokies in BBQ sauce, chips and salsa, cheese and crackers, etc. I put it all out on my best serving dishes to try and make it festive, even if it was only the three of us. Of course, I get the "who's all coming" question. ;) But, what the hey.... And, this morning (after the argument), it was all about M and his gifts, where the focus should be--on the children. I made a HUGE breakfast for us, and now M's enjoying his gifts; I'm hanging out; and D's off somewhere.

He got a concerned call from his brother, regarding his dad. But, all is relatively well in that aspect, for now (and, is too much to get into at this time), so I don't know what he's up to for the rest of the day. As long as he's home for dinner tonight.